paint

i thought i was okay

but every time

my world cracks a little

memories, guilt and pain 

seep through the crevices 

i patch up the cracks 

one at a time

paint over them 

with pretty colors

i wipe off my hands

get up to wash them in the sink

knowing well

they will be covered 

in paint again soon

Yosemite in Gold

Soaked up the reds and golds while camping in Yosemite Valley this Veterans Day weekend with some great company. Hiked up a bone dry but still beautiful Mist Trail by day and cozied up to the campfire by night. 

STATS & FACTS:

Camp Snack: Twin Snakes Gummies
Camp Song: "Bed" by J. Holiday
Miles Hiked: 11
Burritos Eaten: 2
In-N-Out Trips: 2
Vernal Falls Status: Trickle
Nevada Falls Status: Dribble 
Tagline: "Shook by nature." (refer to image below)

Am I A Woman Yet?

For years, I have asked myself, "When am I going to be a woman?" Not a girl, but a woman. Was it the autumn I turned twelve and got my first period? Was it the summer I held a boy's hand for the first time or in the fall when we first kissed? Was it the first time I fell in love?

I wondered when a little girl with her mom would point to me and say, "That woman over there."

Was I a woman when I turned eighteen? A legal adult or an adult child. Was it when I went to college? Was it the first time a man cat-called me? The first time I had sex? Or when I turned twenty-one?

Was I a woman when I graduated college? When my students called me by "Ms." or when my high school biology teacher asked me to call her by her first name? What about when I worked my first nine-to-five job? Will it be when I get married? Buy my first house? When people start calling me "Doctor"?

I think I had it all wrong. I am not sure when Day One of Womanhood began. But I think becoming a woman for me has been less dependent on the way others see me and more dependent on how I have started to view myself. In this exact, but very fleeting moment,  I am more sure than ever of who I am, who I want to be and where I want to go. And I think that becoming a woman started when I began to realize just that.


Written with Florence + The Machine playing softly in the background.