s w e a t e r

i am your 
favorite sweater

i am worn but 
i have a lot of 
love to give

i am hanging in your closet but
i'd much rather be wrapped
around you
keeping you warm

i am loyal
and though i wouldn't mind
being borrowed
it is most meaningful
when you wear me

sometimes
i dream of being taken out
on a cold day bundled under layers
keeping you safe

that's what i worry about most
your safety
i want you to be happy

i want to be known for that
for giving you 
comfort
warmth
a safe place to just be

i stay awake at night
wondering
if i am enough
if you truly need me

the best thing i've ever done
is make you feel at home

the worst thing i've ever done
is smother you

i am guilty of needing you
more than you need me

my favorite time of day
is when we
face the cold together

the purpose of my life
it to help you
find a home in this world

that's what i'd like to be remembered for

A List of Things I Have Learned in the Past Week

I've learned how much I value quality time

with loved ones - both in person and virtually.

I've learned that nothing really matters - not 

big trips, graduation ceremonies, career gains, 

requirements, assignments - except for the people you love. 

I've learned to be adaptable and accept change, 

even when it is unexpected. 

I've learned patience. 

I've learned to breathe. 

To enjoy the moment and just soak it all in. 

Nothing will ever be like this again. 

To appreciate the little things - the spring 

wild flowers in the park, the fresh air after the rain, 

the sun tickling my skin, my favorite song...

I've learned how much I love to write. 

I'd forgotten how therapeutic it is.

I've learned sleep solves everything. 

I've learned how time can pass in a 

blink of an eye and be stretched out all at once. 

Big Little Sur

I am always thankful for weekends like this past one where I can unplug and venture off the grid. Our trip to Big Sur came at a time when I really needed it the most. We were spoiled with sunsets along the Pacific Coast Highway, waterfront campsites, hours of whale watching and starry nights by the campfire. Not to mention crossing Bixby Bridge gave us major Big Little Lies vibes. Here are some of those moments captured...

...

Thank you to Michael for a few of these shots. 

paint

i thought i was okay

but every time

my world cracks a little

memories, guilt and pain 

seep through the crevices 

i patch up the cracks 

one at a time

paint over them 

with pretty colors

i wipe off my hands

get up to wash them in the sink

knowing well

they will be covered 

in paint again soon

Yosemite in Gold

Soaked up the reds and golds while camping in Yosemite Valley this Veterans Day weekend with some great company. Hiked up a bone dry but still beautiful Mist Trail by day and cozied up to the campfire by night. 

STATS & FACTS:

Camp Snack: Twin Snakes Gummies
Camp Song: "Bed" by J. Holiday
Miles Hiked: 11
Burritos Eaten: 2
In-N-Out Trips: 2
Vernal Falls Status: Trickle
Nevada Falls Status: Dribble 
Tagline: "Shook by nature." (refer to image below)

Am I A Woman Yet?

For years, I have asked myself, "When am I going to be a woman?" Not a girl, but a woman. Was it the autumn I turned twelve and got my first period? Was it the summer I held a boy's hand for the first time or in the fall when we first kissed? Was it the first time I fell in love?

I wondered when a little girl with her mom would point to me and say, "That woman over there."

Was I a woman when I turned eighteen? A legal adult or an adult child. Was it when I went to college? Was it the first time a man cat-called me? The first time I had sex? Or when I turned twenty-one?

Was I a woman when I graduated college? When my students called me by "Ms." or when my high school biology teacher asked me to call her by her first name? What about when I worked my first nine-to-five job? Will it be when I get married? Buy my first house? When people start calling me "Doctor"?

I think I had it all wrong. I am not sure when Day One of Womanhood began. But I think becoming a woman for me has been less dependent on the way others see me and more dependent on how I have started to view myself. In this exact, but very fleeting moment,  I am more sure than ever of who I am, who I want to be and where I want to go. And I think that becoming a woman started when I began to realize just that.


Written with Florence + The Machine playing softly in the background.

Eastside

My musings while wandering through Philly and NYC.


You know that moment when you are descending from the clouds and looking at the vast world spread out beneath you, thinking about how small you are in comparison, wondering if you have made all the right decisions leading up to this point, all while a sad song plays in the background through your EarPods? That was this moment.


Perfection.


i remember the time 
we woke up early 
and drove to the river 
to see the sunrise
and i remember the time 
we drove to the beach 
to watch the sunset
-sunset


One night, Kari and I sat on her bed and listened to the song "Eastside" three times in a row and I cried a lot.


I like this photo because, even though my lips are squiggled into a crooked smile, my stance seems to be one of power.


I sat on a bench on The High Line for a couple hours, reading and waiting for Mara to get off of work so we could go to dinner together. Hundreds of people passed by - couples, families, friends - holding hands, snapping photos, chatting about their day. The scenery around me kept changing. New visitors would share the bench with me every so often. The weather became colder. But I kept reading. At one point, I noticed the air become still. No footsteps or casual conversation. No camera phone shutters. I looked around and The High Line was clear.


According to Meyers-Briggs I am an extrovert, but there was something about that moment that was so cathartic. On my own, but not lonely. Safe. Happy. And everything is okay.


Dinner with Mara at a rooftop garden fairyland. Though we can only see each other every so often and live thousands of miles apart, some things will never change.


This is Kari. A light in my life. One of a kind. A true friend.


"I have declared my independence!"
Independence Hall
Philadelphia, PA
September 21, 2018.